Self-compassion

Background

As I discussed in Chapter 2B of the book, this exercise is relevant in situations in which we experience a failure in life. It is in such moments that our need for superiority is likely to be particularly pronounced. This need is likely to be magnified if we are harsh on ourselves.

Objective

This exercise involves treating ourselves as we would a good friend or relative after they have failed to achieve something, or failed to live up to an ideal. That is, it involves treating yourself with kindness and compassion after a failure.

Please provide an email address to which your entries can be emailed.

How you treat your close friend or relative

The first step involves imagining that it wasn’t you, but rather, it was a close friend or family member who had failed to accomplish something important or had failed to live up to an ideal. How would you respond to your friend in this situation (especially when you’re at your best)? What you would typically do and what you would say. As you write, make a note of the tone in which you typically talk to your close friends or relatives.

How you treat yourself

The second step involves thinking of how you generally treat yourself when you have failed. How you would typically respond to yourself in the same situation. Write down what you typically do, what you say, and note the tone in which you talk to yourself.

See the difference?

Did you notice a difference in how you treat yourself vs. others? If so, ask yourself why. What factors or fears come into play that lead you to treat yourself and others so differently? Write it out below.

What will change?

The last step involves writing about how things might change if you treated yourself like you treat others.

Type out your answer to the following question: How might things change if, when you’re suffering, you responded to yourself in the same way you typically respond to a close friend ?